Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
