So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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