I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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