woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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