he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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