I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she told me i tasted like america
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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