I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
