watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
