i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
