I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
