She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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