***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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