why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
