I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize