they need to just BURY HIM!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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