My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i've created a new STD.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
