I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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