Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
