1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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