For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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