I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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