Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
