And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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