we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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