I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize