Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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