things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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