She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
