what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
tell me about the eggs
Randomize