**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
