There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
