Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
