tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
