It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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