Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
