i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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