just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
