Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
