Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
