I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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