is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
