i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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