i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize