remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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