There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
