I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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