I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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