I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
