Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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