I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
