Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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