I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
