Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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