So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
