i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
