is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
