alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
