you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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