"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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