just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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