Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
