We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
